We have become the most awful dog people. This morning it finally dawned on us that every single thing we do or say now revolves around our little puppy Juba. We’re worse than new mums who get out their iPhones and take you through piles of identical photos, complete with a running commentary.

How much is it possible to say about a dog? You would think not very much, however we seem to have developed the remarkable skill of being about to talk about the most mundane thing as if it were groundbreaking news.

Usually when humans discuss poo, for example, it’s in a crude and amusing way – it’s something you discuss amongst close friends for an easy laugh. But when we talk about Juba’s poos, it’s as if pooing were the most spectacular, magical thing in the world ever.

“How many poos did Juba do today?” Laura will ask.

Rather than replying with a straight-to-the-point “2”, I go all gooey and give intricate details of each and every aspect. Where we were, how it happened, appearance, consistency, etc. And after all this, we’ll both say something ridiculously moronic, like, “Ahhhhh, Juba! You’re SO CLEVER!”

Sometimes, when there’s a lull in conversation, we will just gaze at the puppy. Gaze at her, grinning and cooing. Sometimes she’ll be doing something vaguely cute, like chewing a bone or jumping around, but most of the time she is just sat there doing absolutely nothing and we find it the most fascinating thing on earth.

This morning we tried very hard to think about what else we had discussed in the past 24 hours and really struggled to come up with anything. The only thing we could actually recall talking about that didn’t somehow involve Juba was the video of Russell Brand making a scene on that American talk show. That also led onto a brief discussion about Edward Snowden and Bradley Manning.

I’d like to point out that we are both highly-educated critical thinkers, who take pride in discussing important and relevant themes that add to our awareness and understanding of the world we live in. What has happened to us? I think we’re going to have to impose a ban on doggy talk or at least limit it to a certain number of conversations a day.

She is so cute though.